Halloween post to come soon

For now, I will tide you over with a transcription of a funny conversation David and I had today.


David:
we're both wasting time not getting some
me: yeah]
have you talked to fucking orion
david: yeah
nice choice of words btw
i mean at least you have [unknown amount of times] under your beld
*belt
david: i especially gotta get going now
me: let me tell you a secret
the amount of times...

IS OVER 9000!!!!!!!
david: hahahahaha
damn, you kept count for all that?
me: it wasn't importnat until we hit 9000
david: haha
me: then I was like, okay, gotta count this shit
david: i bet
me: okay I just did the math
going out from october to august
david: you really did keep count?
me: that is 818 times per month
david: oh haha
me: so it would have had to be
more than 26.4 times per day
david: haha
that's over once per hour
me: which taking into account refractory period
is impossible
david: psh
maybe YOUR refractory period
me: yes actually
*awkwards turtle*
david: haha
david: with me man, its like a conveyor belt constantly running
no
more like a machine gun
no wait that's even worse
me: okay yeah
david: forget that one
me: shut the fuck up
david: haha
me: machine gun
god that is such a bad image
just like Dragonite
david: hahaha
i love that picture
yeah have fun sleeping tonight dreaming of dragonite balls and my machine gun penis
hmm
possible paint picture in the works there?
maybe best not to
me: do it
lolololol
david: i should probably get a more attractive body first
me: throw some fabio in there
david: ooh!
that could be awesome
god damnit
to get the picture i want i might have to search fabio naked
which if that's not bad enough, i will have to focus on his crotchular region to carefully edit it for my picture
me: dude
it's totally fucking worth it
cmon
david: haha
me: you've seen a penis before
several porbably
david: yeah good point
but usually there are tits involved
me: ahahhaha
gp
david: i'll just have a special gadget on the side of my screen
just a gadget for a slideshow of pictures of tits
it will serve a similar purpose to wearing welding sunglasses
when you weld
me: hahaha
yes
do it


me: motherfucker
so I go down the hall to flirt with this cute girl
and this douche guy lives next to her
and liike I make fun of her and stuff to flirt with her
you know how I do
and every fucking time
david: yeah
me: he walks up and starts trying to be funny
and his jokes are SO bad
timing always off, never a good punchline
david: haha
me: then she gets pissed at him
david: are they oneliners?
me: he always cockblocks the fuck out of me
no he tries to imitate my shit
and can't do it at all
david: oh haha
that's even worse haha
you should have her come back to your room
then he can't cockblock him because you can lockblock him
me: then we could fuck
david: *he can't cockblock you
well damn yeah
that could happen too i suppsoe
*suppose
me: no nbut
no it's like she's doing shit and I walk in and start talking
and then DOUCHe COMES IN
david: he must have a davis proximity radar


(on moms on Facebook)

you seem to have gotten less fortunate than that
me: fuck no
i din't friend her
david: thats smart
me: apparently she is pissed
Meredith was telling me
david: i figured if i friended my mom, i would have to censor my wall from her
since she would find the
language we all use offensive
why would your mom need to be your friend though?
it can only lead to imp/awkward scen.